Everyday Musings > Would've, Should've, Could've

I scrawled this Harriet Beecher quote in the margins of my diary when in school - "The bitterest tear shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."

As I grew up, I realised what it meant, only I didn't have to wait till someone died to understand it. I believe, 'graves' here is a metaphor for anything that dies; friendship, love, relationship, trust. All for the want of a few words.

Why do we wait for an appropriate time to let someone know how we feel about them? Right now is as appropriate a time as anytime else. So why not now? What stops us? What makes us justify it all with 'why make it so 'said' – too emotional and mushy' or the time tested 'words are overrated' or the clear winner 'If they love me, they should know how I feel, I don't have to put it in words'.

They say actions speak louder than words, but unless you don't say it, no one will know what you did. Some live their lives wondering what would have happened if they'd confessed their love to someone they had a crush on in school or college. Like with my friend M, who loved this girl in college, and would take the whole gang out for a movie or to a restaurant just because he wanted to take her out, and would hope that she'd understand how much he loved her just because of his actions. What he could have done instead is just tell her how he felt. The whole life after that seems to be interrupted with the three witches of regret - 'would've, should've, could've.

If you don't tell people, they might guess, but they'll never know for sure. Many parents never end up telling their kids how much they love them and the kids grow up thinking their parents are too severe or don't love them or are just not the emotional kind. Many bosses don't tell their empployees when they're proud of them and the employee feels neglected and unappreciated. Husbands don't tell wives and wives don't tell their husbands. We hold back so much in our heads and for the rest of our lives play private videos of melodramatic what ifs.

While in college, I used to write a lot of little notes, and leave them around for friends. No reason. Just. Sometimes, even now, I sms friends with a 'hugg' or a 'mwah' or randomly tell them how special they are and how blessed I am to have them.

But there are people I wish I had said things to. My grandma who was the sweetest lady and the oldest Mtv fan I knew. My friend Vin who went away one day and I haven't seen him since. My friend Pur who I wish I could clear up so much with. My kitten who walked out of the door and lost her way. My kindergarten teacher Jeanne, I wonder where she is now.

Churchill said, 'We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out'. But I feel the unsaid is a killer too. To be dramatic, it's like a giant python around our neck - you don't realise when it creeps up and crawls around us, then weighs us down, and slowly chokes our thoughts.

So the next time you plan to leave something unsaid, think of what's creeping up your shoulder.