Everyday Musings > Friends

Dee just mailed me the 2008 girl friend survey. It had a list of questions – what are my fears, whether I like summer or winter, what did I want to be when I was little, what's my shoe size, whether there's a new and exciting thing in my life that I'd like to share. A footnote said that I would learn a lot of little things about my friends that I might not have known.

Are there things I don't know about my friends? In college, in school, while growing up, I knew everything. Their favourite colour, their favourite ice cream, their favourite actor etc. But now, when I have to get them a birthday gift, I stick to a bottle of wine or a cake. Just making it to the party is a task itself. Being in the same town, or sometimes in the same office, I hardly meet up with my buddies.

Seinfeld, Friends, Sex and the City; they're all about friends who manage time for fun and a long lunch on workdays, every episode. I don't know how they do it. It's been six months back in Mumbai and there are a dozen friends I haven't even called because I don't have the time to go meet them. But even if we do meet, it's rare that we discuss the kind of things Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda do. Or the kind of togetherness that Ross, Joey, Chandler, Phoebe and Rachel share. And all of us love re-runs of their lives.

Being grown up, becoming responsible, making a living, all this doesn't seem conducive to friendship. Is it distance, sudden maturity, or the realization that friendships actually need effort? That they require you to be there, to care, and share. Conversations now run into
'Hey wassup?'
'Heyyyy wassup?'
'How's work?'
'Oh sucks man, I need a break.'
'How's work?'
'Same old, same old'
'So what's up?'
'So what's up?'
And then someone gets a drink and switches on the TV to watch F1 or the match or soccer or a film and that's it. Or there's the good friends, the 'Gang', that'll meet up again and again at the same place, same faces, same stories, like a CD I know by heart. I know who'll say what and who'll reply with what punchline and who'll laugh and who'll sit quietly and smirk. It's like a rerun of Groundhog Day. No one new seems to add into the 'Gang' unless by marriage. And then it gets all strained for some reason, and the married friends start making alternative movie plans and the circle gets limited to the singles who complain that they can't seem to make new friends anymore. 'Too old to make new friends yaar. The ones I have, that's it. Bas'.

So where do these sitcom writers find inspiration for characters like Carrie, Samatha, Charlotte and Miranda? Do they live in their imaginations, or do these friendships actually exist? And then I hear immense laughter and look up. The Three Girls. Of course. The Three Girls and I share a cubicle wall. High enough so I can just see the top of their heads. But I can hear. Everything. Not that they ever speak in hushed tones. Sex, friendships, fashion, cute guys, a new dress, marriage, boyfriends, nothing is taboo here. And everything must be talked over. I walk by and see identical mugs on their workstations, see them watch Sex and the City together, lunch together, go to the washroom together, even leave work together.

The boys around me shake their heads and roll their eyes. But I love the Three Girls, find them utterly entertaining and very sweet. Their openness and madness is something I've only seen in a sitcom. And I'm glad I can tune into this reality 'Friends' episode, everyday. Wish my friends could too.