Everyday Musings > Smile please

My mother and I were sitting over dinner today, discussing happiness. What makes people happy? Money? Power? Fame? Family? Friends?

The American Psychological Association (APA) says that attaining popularity or influence and money or luxury is not what makes people the happiest. All that is actually at the bottom of the list of psychological needs. According to them, what really gets the smiles going is this – doing something that you really want to do in life, being good at that thing you do, feeling loved and close to people, and having self esteem. Psychologists say that contrary to popular notion people aren't very good at predicting what makes them happy.

I realised it the other day at work. A colleague and I were having a conversation and he said he'd be happy if he had tons of money. So I asked him how much is tons of money? He said he wanted a house of his own in a certain part of town. I asked why. He said because he had shifted to the suburbs and his mother doesn't like it there, and he wants a large home so that she can come back to where she lived all her life. I asked him why isn't she happy. He said because all her friends are there. So I asked him, why not help her make new friends here? He thought for a while, and then said 'yes, I could do that. That would make her happy, and that would make me happy too'. And it didn't need tons of money to do so.

Back to the dining table. Mother wonders how some people can laugh so heartily all the time. And I wonder if happiness has any value if there's no sadness.

So we decided to do something to understand happiness in our lives. I made a list of what makes me happy. And mother made hers.

Mine read, sparrows chattering on my windowsill, my happy healthy plants, early morning light peeping through my window, rolling in bed, being able to sing along to a song, running in the rain, dancing anywhere and anytime, being read poetry to, surprises, being in love, watching children laugh, cooking a delicious meal, the moon, watching birds in a bird bath, pups and kittens and all things little, a serious Great Dane being bullied by a little beagle, someone playing with my hair, a day out with Suzanna, sitting in a garden, watching someone smile, making someone happy, doodling, wrapping gifts, receiving handwritten notes and letters, being on stage, reading a good book, having a good conversation over some soothing Tulsi tea.

Hers read, feeding pigeons in the morning, getting dad's breakfast and lunch done in time, seeing that all her plants are alive and well and green and blooming, having the maid come on time, doing yoga early in the morning, no pending tasks at the end of the day, having conversations where people don't gossip, a clean home, talking to friends over the phone, having dinner with the family, when children message or call, listening to music and working out, watching TV and having lunch, singing songs with the words all mixed up, spending time with her brothers and sisters, talking of her childhood memories of growing up in Ooty.

We realised that happiness means different things to different people, and even though people might not be good at predicting what exactly makes them happy, it's always easy to tell when they are happy. They can't stop smiling.